btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
