I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
