I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
