a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
