Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
