Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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