when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
