Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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