Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't deserve a penis
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
