Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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