Kiss
Puke
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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