I can't watch pbs sober anymore
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
