Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
