Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
