I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
