guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So much rum. So many feels.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
