I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
