Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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