I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
