Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
