I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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