I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
