The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
