I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
