You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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