this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
