There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
That's how pantless uber rides happen
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
