I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
