the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
