Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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