alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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