dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
