just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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