Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
