Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
