I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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