If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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