Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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