I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
