apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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