Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The power of my boobs compel you
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
