You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
