there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
