We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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