All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
