When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
