3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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