I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
