DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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