sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
