I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Are we still banned from the library?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
