So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
